Inertia

Today was hard. I felt like I wasn't moving through the day, more like slogging.

The hottest day of the summer, 30°C, and the electricity went out in my office. No power, no lights, no computers, no servers, no printers, no air-con. The project I'm working on hit a critical mass of roadblocks, and between the tension of the work and the heat of the day I was ready to just call it quits.

I went to my yoga class after struggling through the day, looking for centeredness, inspiration, and some zen, and I ended up just going through the motions. My yoga instructor is on holiday and her replacement just wasn't up to par. So even though my body feels lean and limber, my mind is still tied up in knots.

After biking home, I set about a recipe I found to use all of the farmer's market veggies I picked up on Sunday. I wanted something light, tasty, and suited to the weather; I've always loved ratatouille and thought it was time to try my hand at it. Only as per usual, I didn't read the recipe all the way through before I printed it out earlier this morning when the office still had power. So at 9pm I dutifully commenced peeling the tomatoes (!) as well as the red and yellow peppers (!!). 45 minutes later, my zucchini wasn't cooked all the way through and I used too much onion.

Here it is, nearly 11pm, and I'm struggling to finish this blog post. When I'm stuck writing, I always say to myself "what are you trying to say here?" - right now, all I keep thinking is "WHY BOTHER - GO TO BED!"

But I am bothering, even if it is painful, because I'm trying not to succumb to my predilection to moan. On days like today, when everything feels like a struggle, it is so easy for me to slip into a mindset of blaming everything, including myself, for things not turning up roses. So lately I've been trying to ask myself if everything has to be so damn difficult. I'm trying to approach situations differently, and refocus my attitude in order to see that not everything is as bad as it seems. I'm trying not to slip into a funk and keep my cynicism at bay but it's not such an easy task for someone like me. I'll take today's inertia, then, because not really moving is better than taking a step backwards.